In Developing And Supporting Your Pos

But I think that statement acquires a little bit of unintended, retrospective silliness when you inform the reader, in the next paragraph, that you got involved in competitive sports when you were five years old.

Write A Response In Which You Discuss The Extent To Which You Agree Or Disagree With The Claim.

You end the first paragraph with “getting involved in sports was definitely a life changing experience.” A lot of readers and writers tend to privilege the last sentence of the first paragraph; they tend to think it is the place where an essay’s overarching topic is defined.

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And, again, it’s especially important to avoid cliches on college application essays because every other student will resort to the same tired cliches, and so, instead of differentiating yourself with a tale of perseverence through obstacles and ultimate triumph, you will end up being indistinguishable from the thousands of other applicants to the same university with the same experience.

People started to respect me in every way and people were fearing me.

In June of 2009, I was in my senior year of college having a good time. I had a great job and was working on my way to a career in marketing. This changed when I found out that I was pregnant. At first I did not know what to do. A baby would change everything. What would happen with school? How would I pay for a baby? Who would watch her? Abortion? All these questions ran through my head. I was completely lost. As I thought about it for the next week, I ran through all my options. I thought about the impact a baby, another human being that I was 100% responsible for, would have on the rest of my life. There was only one right choice and that was to have her.

People who didn’t respect before were now respecting me.

Decisions are made every day, small and big. I made a decision 17 months ago that would change my life. I chose to have my daughter. This choice has drastically changed my life and the direction I am headed.

I will have the confidence to march into clubs and be a leader.

It is noble and admirable to keep going even though you’ve no reason in the world to believe you will be anything other than the guy who is five inches short of a viable basketball player, and that, after all, is what you did.

Confidence plays a huge role in college.

In any case, the “great outcome” in your case is presumably due both to your perseverance and hard work and to the fortuitous growth spurt of seven inches in one year.

The confidence I have makes me a great leader.

You say “playing sports has taught me to persevere through anything no matter what the circumstances are because it will always have a great outcome.” But I’m not sure you got the right lesson here.